my mouth tastes like poor choices
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
