i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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