We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
