In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
