the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
