I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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