I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
