Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Farmville is her only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize