You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
