the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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