dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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