Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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