I can tuck mytits in my pants
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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