the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
