if i can run in heels then i can drive
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize