Having a random hookup so left but love u
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
