my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she peed on how many people?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
This toilet bowl is my home.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
