So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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