i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
