Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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