What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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