Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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