Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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