Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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