so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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