Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
