you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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