I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
