Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
