this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
