im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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