i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He did a backflip because drugs
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