I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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