I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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