xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
