I smell stomach acid.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
