pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
