If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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