How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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