There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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