I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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