Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
