I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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