Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
