They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
