When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize