If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
