I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
