Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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