hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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