you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
