Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
