what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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