I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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