My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
