he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
