i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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